我希望 我的未来一半 是有志气目标远大的男人 有时间和金钱观念 有领导能力 他成熟 他不宠我 他不必很帅 彼此能够互补 而最重要的条件是懂得体谅 在我最需要时给我一个肩膀依靠   我不急着要   现在喜欢的 不一定是未来喜欢的那个 因为将来面对社会的现实 一个人容易改变理念以及生活目标 而两个人需要有相同的理念和观点才能维持长久的感情  专心读书 这才是我现在该做的本份 为了自己的将来 为了报答爸爸妈妈 对我的疼爱以及辛苦赚钱养家  没有他们哪来今天的我 没有他们鼓励支持哪来今天的我

how to define MEANINGFUL

Today I attended youth alive conference.I know that every time I attend AIESEC activities, I force myself to step out of my comfort zone. What I gained and learnt the most was from session You rule your Kingdom .There was a  facilitator,Vincent, he said that before that his life was bored-everyday woke up , attended lectures, after that doing assignments, having test, everyday continue such routines.  One day, he realized he only thought of himself. He asked himself did he done any impact to society by doing assignments or going to lectures? After joining AIESEC , he realized as a youth , he can also contribute to society. He was concerned about the poverty, so as an engineer, he built a system which produces high quantity of mushroom and then sold to others to gain profit and donated  to the poor .He has successfully done it in smaller scale , and this will also be his FYP . In future, he plan to bring his project into markets and continue for the donation kind acts. Yes, this is his action . Everyone can make a change to society with only small action because this will produce ripple effect. Another session which inspired me a lot is sharing session from the ex exchange students. I like the story from Jaya. She went exchange programme in China for education project. This project was to teach audism children. She shared that she was a person who like to stay at comfort zone. This exchange program me really is the best way to force herself out of comfort zone. Although there were hardships in teaching such children but at the end she felt really meaningful. Yeap, MEANINGFUL.  I got new understanding towards this word through her sharing. Through exchange program me she gained a lot of experiences and also  have  interesting and meaningful stories to share with others instead of just the topics about the schools -achievement in exam results etc.  We can only live a meaningful life by empowering others. Yeah, everyday wake up I suppose to ask myself what can I do today to  bring impact to society instead of thinking of going to lectures... Yeah, I think before that I am too focus on myself until neglecting issues that happened around me.   Its time to step out of comfort zone. I hope this motivation will continue within me.   This is my biggest learning of today.

这个星期将会是非常忙碌的一个星期  虽然很累 总是难入睡   总觉得自己以后会患上很多疾病 这样不健康的生活 及时能调节回去
还有想想已经 好久没有读novel了 好想看啊 尤其是睡不着时 特别想看
😢

是时候放下你 收起对你的喜欢 单方面喜欢是折磨的

我想逃避你
我不想面对你 因为觉得自己当初笨到说出了不该说的话 不该怎样面对你 甚至对你产生厌恶

在悬崖边缘的日子

以前，我的梦想是成为一名工程师， 我多么相信自己是可以的，相信 这世界没有极限，可是事实并不是如此， 一个月多了， 遇到目前人生中最大的挫败感， 我不会engineering drawing, 我无法看图想象， 看着朋友都会画， 他们的眼神充满信心画着， 而看着他们的我觉得自己出问题了， 那种压力感让我哭了， 只是我压抑住，不让其他人看到。我的脑袋无法专注， 我不懂该从哪里开始画， 我放空了。 我想很多， 我会不会这次考试不及格，我会不会不能读完mechanical engineering，我会不会有一天崩溃到想放弃。 我的心充满害怕。十分害怕。很害怕。很多次我自己晚上偷偷在哭 。我现在很需要一个地方让我放声大哭。可是大学十分小， 到任何地方都会被人看到。我压抑很久了。我真的需要一个可以让我哭的地方。 我累了。十分累。当初的志气已经没了。 还有我想回家。我想爸爸妈妈。每当我压力时 我都会在他们面前尽情哭。爸爸妈妈， 我真的很想你们。还有我的知己vero

你是我最想留住的小幸运

我不确定到底真的喜欢你吗 只是每次在我感到迷茫的时候 看到你让我觉得很有安全感 每次在人群中 我的眼神在寻找你 没有看到你的存在 会让我小小的失望 我也喜欢与你一起谈天 也许我已经喜欢你了 我们许多活动都会一起去 让我习惯有你的陪伴 无论你认真的时候 还是在班上睡觉 我都觉得很帅 哈哈  可是 我很害怕 我可以喜欢你吗  我该停止喜欢你吗  我害怕 害怕自己越陷越深 然后最后看到你喜欢的是别人  我怕自己受伤 我可以把心投注在你吗 我很迷惑 我祈祷你会是我上帝安排的另一半  遇见你也许是上帝的安排  

今天小组 问到说有哪些是很难爱的人？ 其实我想说很多很多人 可是我不想说负面的话 于是假装说没有  很多时候我心里想的与表达的可以完全不一  有时我选择沉默 是因为对于某些事也许我舌头所吐出的话 可以伤害自己与他人 。我只是不想让你们听到我的不好一面 不要误会我的沉默 。

大学生活第一天

凌晨两点了， 终于忙好了，收拾好东西， 整个人流了满身汗， 今天蛮累，不过蛮不错的 认识很多新朋友 有ping siew ，pei li 两个kl人，苑婷johor人，炜玲malacca人 还有几个不记得名字了 呵呵 今天我鼓起勇气去报名dinner表演 蛮期待的可是有点害怕 不过我想试试 想留个美好的回忆 呵呵呵 表演不好希望大家见谅  哈哈哈 明天要5点起床 啊啊啊啊 😅

还记得 一年前的我 放不下你 常常犯贱找你 而得来的是你的无视和讽刺 你总是如此高傲 你把我看得如此卑微 我永远不会忘记你所说的话。

是你让我看清现实的世界，这个世界是如此多的虚伪，尤其是男人说的话。
不要忘了，你永远只不过是枯萎的小草。

你的话实在让我印像深刻了，不是我故意想起。
我不想再开始以段感情 都是虚伪。
宁愿自己孤独一生，也不要和善变的男人活着。
人在这世界是自由的，有什么事不行呢 我不是在逞强，只是觉得我该保护自己，不再承受伤害。女人就该爱自己。

知道大学成绩后  感恩 那是我想要的科系和大学
这几天很忙 可是还是想在这写写 即将离开家去读书  有期待有不舍  期待大学的生活  期待认识新朋友  而最不舍的  如果不说感情 就是我家的房间 以及家的一切切  哈哈'~   大学 usm ， 它就是我未来四年的家了~！ 😊😊😊😊😊😊而 我希望找到一群可以分享喜怒哀乐的家人~加油，我可以的

昨晚与一位朋友去文化节玩 渡过了一个浪漫的夜晚  今天晚上与中五的朋友们聚会 渡过了美好的夜晚 离开家乡去大学的日子越近 就越感触  每一个相聚的时光我不想错过  珍惜每个朋友 因为找到可以陪你一起的朋友 不易 我可以很疯的去玩 玩够了  我想是时候收拾心情  很常我很开心时 我会问自己 我真的可以这么开心吗 我该清醒了吧
此时脑袋想太多 我知道这是自我摧毁的举动 也会严重破坏我与他人的关系  我一路来努力学会简单 有时偶尔放纵  -想多了 我知道的是放纵会影响我的生活 一切  不好的思想 求你远离我! bullshit

旅行

一直以来 我很希望去旅行 很常告诉自己 如果我存够了钱 我要去欧洲看看浪漫之城 巴黎  接下来去Dubai 从网上看到那边建筑的图片 已经让我赞叹不已那里 最出名的就是世界最高的建筑burj Khalifa 还有七星及酒店 设计像一艘船 晚上灯光很美很美 可以说那边就是人间天堂 整个国家的建筑摆设设计都独特 嗯 接下来我也要去日本 我要看樱桃树 开花的时候 遍地粉色叶子 美极了 听说那边的树都很美哦 还有东京铁塔可以看   哈哈 这是我一辈子的心愿

回忆

又是难眠   今晚吃得好饱 哈哈 发现很好笑的一件事 每次跟朋友在餐厅吃的时候 听到播放的歌 我们就一起回想那是几时的歌 哪个歌手唱的 哪个戏的曲子 很怀念也 这也是为什我喜欢听歌的原因 每熟悉的歌都有一个回忆 刚播放了听见有人叫你宝贝 想当年红到收音机市场都会很常播放它 接下来是我们没在一起 刘若英 想当年 我form 2 的时候很喜欢这首 它是偷心大圣的片尾曲  然后又播放了我爱他 叮当  也是我form2/3听过的好歌 还有放羊的星星戏曲  跟朋友聊着聊着 突然问到我们小学是听什歌 然后就想到F4 的流星雨 还一起很有默契的唱了 陪你去看流星雨～～～～～哈哈！  也想到我当年迷上的花样男子  我那时疯狂迷上具俊表   哈哈哈 这部戏每次开头曲是这样开始的 almost paradise然后那个四个男子从门走进学校   被女孩们围绕 哈哈哈
真的 不懂怎样形容那个感觉 那种想到从前的回忆 又甜又欢乐的回忆 心里觉得甜滋滋的

知己

很感恩 我的生命有两位非常重要的知己 伤心时 我在他们面前可以不用顾虑太多的流泪 倾诉。

 第一位是女生 每次真的觉得不能再承受了  第一个想到的就是向她述说我的烦恼心事 她给我很好的安慰与激励 让我找回自己 快乐时 我们一起快乐 伤心时互相共勉 何等感恩

第二位是男生  我们可以无话不谈  一起分享生活中大大小小的事  他像老人 从他身上可以学习很多生活智慧  我们像家人  他就像我的第二个爸爸 有时走累了 总记得还有他的支持 失望了 难过了 除了女知己 他就是我第二个想到可以倾诉的对象 开心时 我们可以一起很high  何等感恩

我最不想失去你们俩 直到老 但愿我们还能是知己
感谢你们 有你们真的很棒哦

期待的一天 8 月第二个星期

听说8月第二个星期就会懂自己中到哪间大学，哪个科系了 。我很期待这个日子的到来， 相信对每个毕业生那天将是意义深重的一天。知道自己中到哪个科系相信能仿佛看到了自己的前途，也能为自己设下新的目标，新的展望，提醒自己向着标杆直跑。那天有人会高兴，也有人失望。 生活既是如此无法预测，所以顺境不足喜，逆境不足犹，我很喜欢这句名句精华，准确的传达了我们面对生活得失成败应有的态度。 所以那天，不管结果是如何，我也应该坦然地接受，忧虑担心只会消耗自己的体力，而且无法改变任何事。
我的生日愿望会实现嘛呢？看看那天。。呵呵。。相信我五年所编织的梦想不会再是梦想：）

生病了 我生病了 原因是因为地球生病了 这几个月温度高达34℃   下午你踏出家 那个热气 真的感觉自己就像被放在锅里蒸的白包  皮肤也红了起来 呆久就被热熟了   很感慨为何人类要这样折磨同类 燃烧森林 砍伐树木 导致烟霾 叫人窒息  为来的孩子们要受苦了 会不会搬去别的星球住呢
此刻觉得身体好不舒服 中暑了。。 无奈

偶尔 会想拥有那种被呵护的温暖感觉
但是啊 现实告诉我我已经长大了 成熟了 该照顾好自己 该独立了

所谓的情 是空虚 虚空 空 空 空
除了一个情是绝对不空的
我与我之间的情
就是爱自己的那个情

嗯。。再过两个月就要上大学了  虽然不知道该怎么装备自己  可是我想就尽量学习现在可以学习的 如英文，看一些正能量的书提高自己修养 相信或多或少会帮助我远离世界的尘埃  现在就给自己打气  mitchelle大学加油 ！挑战自己 挑战极限 不要忘记最初的梦想！ 大步大步的 轻快的 走向梦想与成功的那条路  相信绝对刺激;-)

Precious gift -friendship

Friends are the one who accompany us to endure the ups and down in life. Friendship is hard to die. Yesterday I had a reunion dinner with my secondary school friends. When we talked about the things that happened in the past , all interesting , stupid , sweet  moments made us excited and non stop talking. Although there is a friend who only be with us for two years and after that she moved to other state to continue her study, but the two years memories are enough for us to talk about . We talked how and when we began our friendships , and the things that we had done in school during form 1 and form 2. I still remember that our class was too active and talkative that time and teachers always complained about us. These two years maybe I think is our miniature rebellious time but we still were good students , haha. These two years can be considered as our honeymoon years. In fact, these were the years with the most memories and I think we will never forget about them forever. After the jovial friends gathering,  I have a food for thought. In life , we should do something crazy or sometimes break the rules (i mean not very serious rules)which restrain our freedom at least one time! AND finally u will realize that it will be the most memorable moments in your life and you will have abundant things to talk about  when u are old in future. There is one clinche- eat , drink and merry , for tomorrow we die. This remind me to love and appreciate the moments with friends because as we all know, sometimes we may encounter a bolt from the blue in life.
Yesterday I was asked by teacher what is important quality of friends and I answered sincerity. I dislike friends with two -faced and only approach me when they need me . I had ever experienced this and all I can say is too hypocrite. I know there are many people like these in this realistic society , but whenever u feel too dark and cold , friends remind us that there is also warmth in the world.  Friends are like the pure water which wash away all the dirty things around us .  Whenever u are crestfallen, friends are the one who get your feet back on the ground.
        Friends are valuable gift from God, making us walk on air always in life:-)

Sometimes , your face light up  with smile , a sincere and no worry pure smile, you are happy , u love the moments , u feel good .
However , just after that , u feel is this real? U may feel that it is a luxury to have such feeling . Then , u will have a sense of guilty , wallow you in worry as well as  feel insecure.  There will be numerous unexpected challenges for you to tackle of that may bring you down sometimes.   And  u say to yrself , no, no way , you should get yr feet back on the ground    ,keep moving

美好的人生旅程

今天早上UM面试 给自己打分的话  我觉得ok  但回答得不够创意 一开始 由于我是请architecture course 就聚集在一个课室等待画画考试开始 我的心情难免会不安 大家应该都是 呵呵 后来有个从um faculty architecture来的代表进来 然后介绍自己 他是负责我们面试的 他很好 讲了几句幽默和鼓励的话 让大家的心情放松 我最喜欢他讲这句： dont feel worry about it as it is one of the many exams that we will  go through ,嗯 , 我喜欢这句  考试题目是画我们家的厨房 30分钟后 我们交上我们的图 然后去面试了  我是第一个 我很喜欢跟这位interviewer 进行interview的过程 很自在 他看了我的画后觉得满意 我有心里准备接受批评 毕竟我不是那么完美的 但听到他的正面评语 心里很喜悦 感动   我很珍惜今天所遇到的新朋友 以及interviewer  由于没有多余的时间让我们相处 彼此认识 我觉得很遗憾  感谢上帝 感谢自己的准备 感谢陪我从家乡飞到古晋的朋友 interview好后陪我逛了整个shopping centre 看到喜欢的鞋子衣服又不想浪费钱 只是试穿看看 这样也爽 ！ 哈哈   当时我们 多么希望是亿万富翁 最好笑的就是找了猪肉satay找得好幸苦 问路边的人每个都讲不一样的方向 哈哈！ 最终还是给找到了 ！  这次的旅程真的很感恩很美好
接下来要做的就是 继续装备好自己 给未来的自己 keep moving life go on!

今天收到通知下个星期去interview architecture course 心情很期待 唯一最大的挑战就是有画画的考试 我知道这次是很好的机会 去捉住梦想  让它成为现实
我相信没有任何人或事可以阻止一个人去追寻梦想  虽然画画没有perfect 但是我愿意接受挑战

浩瀚的世界 渺小的自己

今天很伤心 害 往事不堪回首 可是还是想发泄下 第一天上IELTS 老师给我们做listening练习 我好不习惯speaker的读音  讲好快 有一篇不懂整篇在讲什么  老师叫我们念出自己的分数时 真的是很自卑 40题里面才对10题  我就像跌到谷底

多亏今天我才发现自己是多么多么的不足
谢谢老师的一句话 没关系 继续努力 要跟自己比较 而不要跟别人比较

浩瀚的知识书海里  虽然好好认真读了20年的书  总觉得所学的知识分量只不过是全部知识的1巴仙   知识真的很强大 无法衡量  我们可以做的就是永远饥渴寻求知识

生活中 有些人事物 你害怕去面对 也许是阴影 想到必须面对那件事 你就会心情难免失落 夜间难眠

我希望明天在面对时 能把最好的自己表现出来 即使觉得自己无法再坚强了 也要笑着脸  谁知事情的发生也许不是我想象的那样呢

我想要自己再多坚强一点点就好了 不奢求  在别人面前要坚强 你脆弱只是让那些希望你失败的人同情笑你批评你 不是人们的错 是the fault in our stars 。

父母无私的爱

“听妈妈的话,别让他受伤 想快快长大 才能保护她” 我最喜欢听这首动人的歌 喜欢歌词

       在我小时后我有时会闹脾气 或哭 爸爸总是跟妈妈说不可以宠我 如果我继续哭 他就会拿出藤条打
       慢慢长大一点  常抱怨为什么爸爸妈妈如此苛刻  想出去玩时就有点反对 想买喜欢的东西时说不要浪费钱买没有必要的东西 看到别人家的孩子和亲戚 他们要什么就得到什么 他们有许多玩具和美丽的衣服 先进的电话电脑 生日时可以开个bbq 或者party之类的  那都是我以前所羡慕的
      更可恶的自己是抱怨父母为什么不能像别的父母那样有钱有地位有势力
      父母常提醒我读书时期不可以谈恋爱 我不明白为什就不可以呢 不一定恋爱都是不好的啊

       我总觉得很不快乐

      就在我18岁 我经历了一场失恋 那个痛是无法形容的 甚至曾经想过 如果我死 他会理我吗  那段日子只要一想到这段感情 半夜就在房间哭 安静的夜晚 寂寞的夜晚 是那刻可以给我的最好安慰

       我深深领悟到  然后非常珍惜父母的那个无私的爱 无论发生什么事 他们永不撇下自己的孩子

       进入社会做工 一切从零开始  被严重批评的日子 对人情感到失望的日子  让我重新震做起来的是父母还有pps 的一群也算是家人的朋友

     如今   我感谢父母的缺乏 提醒我必须努力去弥补家庭的不足  我想亲手创造自己的未来 改变自己开始 改变生活水平 改变未来

孤单定义

外表看似孤独 但心里却不是真正的孤独 与其让自己看似不孤单 而与一些伤害你的人一起 倒不如自己一个人 享受一个人的生活 吃喜欢吃的食物 想透透气就自己去走走 看故事书进入充满浪漫 想像 幽默的书海里  疲惫时有上帝的安慰 开心或伤心时有一位朋友愿意聆听  父母无私的爱  兄弟姐妹的支持  做工让自己充实  一天的结束后有个温暖的床给我睡  没有男友但却有知己  这样的我还是孤独吗 呵呵  

My future

After getting my STPM result,  i started to get busy. That moment was decision making time because i needed to decide that which  course and university to study. 

Today , i saw a quote from Steve Job-Remember to do something that you love. The only way to do great work is to love what you do.If you havent found it yet,keep looking, dont settle. Yes, i realised that if we love to do somethings, we will do more beyond our responsibilities. We might not feel tired. Ironically, we might fear ,miserable ,feel like working in the hell, not motivated in doing somethings that we really not interested. 

Thanks God, i know what i want to be.

Now, my biggest hope is to get scolarship to study engineering in overseas. A reminder to myself-never give up 

Unpredictable

Unpredictable

         There are things in the world that are unpredictable. Sure, many of us have ever think to have a power of prediction. This is because we can predict whether we are rich in the future. We can also predict whether a relationship can be lasted forever. However, i cannot imagine how dull the world would be if we can predict something. If the results of our prediction are good, we will become lazy and ego. We think that no hard works are needed to get a better future.  Oppositely, we may loss hope if the results are bad. We think that our destiny cannot be changed anymore.

       Love is unpredictable. There is a girl, an ordinary 18-year-old and plain-looking girl who is a new student in Seal College. Today is going to be her first day in this new school. She is quite nervous because she comes to a new environment with no one recognize her. After taking her breakfast, she departs from her home which only takes her for a few minutes.

      She pulls her car in the car park near the school gate. It is still early when she arrives. There are 30 minutes before the first period starts. So, she decides to walk around the school compound. She sees some students chatting with friends near the corridor outside their classes, Some hardworking students are doing revision in the class. There are even some boys and girls have a date with their partner in the class.  No one realizes her presence. She feels that she is invisible to someone. Her heart fills up with loneliness.

      The sky is dark and rain starts to pour down heavily. She stops and looks up the sky. Although she is lonely but she likes to be alone. She thinks that relationships make life miserable and terrible. She was once hurt deeply by a guy.She loved him so much, too much , more than she loved herself. Her heart bled at every silent night. Missing him made her felt guilty. Crying was the only way to relieve her pain. Since then, she becomes cold. She does not believe anyone anymore. She thinks that there is no love other than parents' love for her.

      Until today, something changes her. As she enters the class, she is assigned by her teacher to sit beside a guy .She walks towards her desk and sits down. The guy greets her with a warm smile. She smiles back. For the first time since her heart being frozen , she smiles so naturally. Her heart starts to melt.

        " Hello , my name is Ben Muller. Call me Ben. Nice to meet you", the guy says.
       
        She then introduces herself to Ben. Then, Maths lesson starts. She could feels that Ben keeps on looking at her. She feels uncomfortable but happy as finally there is someone knows her.She cannot focus to the lesson. Then, she turns her head slightly towards Ben. Their eye meet with each other. Now she is sure that Ben looks at her. Her heart pounds so quickly. His smile make her breathless. Her mind becomes empty.

        Time flies. After a month, they can talk everything from their hobby to their family. They  become inseparable. They have strong feelings towards each other. One day, after the school, Ben asks her to stay in the class. He says  that he has prepared lunch for her. He takes  out a container from his bag.

        " I have put all my courage inside, hope that after you open it, you are happy to see it," Ben says and passes the container to her.

       She feels weird that the container is extremely light. She then opens it with curious. She sees a piece of folded color paper . She opens it and reads.

        Since the first sight i see you, i think  that i fall in love with you. After i knew more about you, i am sure that you are the girl i like. I do not want to promise you that i love you forever. I know that only actions and time can prove that. Can you open your heart for the last time for me?  I believe i can heal your heart which has once being broken. Just believe me. I love you. Can you be my girlfriend?

          Tears rolls down to her cheeks,

         " Yes, i love you too", she says .

         Indeed, love is unpredictable. It happens at anywhere and at anytime.It starts with only a smile or greets.

       
     

     

小朋友

教四年级的小朋友两个星期了， 感触深。。。他们虽然成绩不是很好，常常练习错误很多，偶尔让我火气来，但是从他们的天真看到他们的快乐。。。偶尔说出来的话让我忍不住笑了出来   。。。  一群 可爱的孩子~ 哈哈~